Words of the Heart
by sparkley-tangerine
Summary: Twelve lines that show how fragile love is, and that somethings no matter what the obstacles are simply meant to be. 1X2
1. Chapter 1

Words of the Heart

Some things are timeless.

Pictures, keepsakes and memories. Poetry, stories and most of all, words.

They stay with us, through the good and the bad, bringing happiness and pain. They can heal or hurt, cause wars or bring about peace, create ever-lasting friendships or shatter them completely.

Some words resonate inside, deep in your heart and your soul- where it matters most- and they can't stay silent or unspoken.

The words of the heart are the most important and when they are there, and spoken, the most powerful.

And sometimes, they work miracles.

* * *

Disclaimer: I don not own Gundam Wing or any of its characters. Some of these quotes are from songs by bands such as Nickelback, The Fray and Joesph Arthur. Some are just random quotes.

Enjoy.


	2. Part One: Slipping

Part One: Slipping.

Summary: I want to hold on, but you're slipping and I'm about to lose you. Duo fears he's loosing Heero.

Slipping

It was probably an amazingly bad sign- or a warning of impending heartbreak- that I could see the problem nearly a year before it actually happened. But I still clung to the hope that we'd be okay. Doesn't that just make me the most pathetic bastard this side of L2?

I should have listened to that damn annoying voice in the back of my head, whispering those warnings and pointing out the clues but even Heero, of all people, knew how sucky I was at following orders and just how damned stubborn I could be. Besides, since I knew about the problem it wouldn't happen right? No self-fulfilling prophecies or anything like that- Murphy's Law is God's word where I'm from, so if I expected it to happen, the exact opposite should, right?

Turns out Murphy's just a twisted bastard who needs a better hobby than fucking with my life.

It's almost a general consensus that the five of us- the Gundam pilots, obviously- were more than a bit screw up. Personally, I had my share of neuroses- and probably the share of a few other peoples- by the time I was twelve. That's not even counting the war.

So it doesn't really come to a surprise to anyone who knows me that I'd find my first real relationship in the middle of a fucking war zone.

Isn't it strange to think that Heero was a head of me in this field? He had the whole 'teenage male' thing down pat- there was supposed to be no love, or like or even general companionship between the two of us. Just barely contained lust and sex. A lot of sex.

…….well, at least I had something right.

So you can imagine my surprise when, just about eight months into our little affair, Heero accidentally told me he loved me. Of course, he never ever knew he'd said it, what with being asleep and all, but I had taken the time to try and learn some Japanese and the words 'Duo suki desu' are not that hard to figure out.

Had Heero just asked, I wouldn't have tried to hide my own feelings for him. God, who couldn't love that man? He's just so……good. He does everything with the best intentions, has a selfless nature that can give Relena's a run for her money and a burning need to protect anyone who can't protect themselves.

Wasn't it just all kinds of ironic that the very things I love about him would end up tearing us apart?

We were so fucking tragical- the ever-fighting soldier and the gung-oh idiot who loved him, destined to always fight for peace and freedom. Just like a damn fairy tale.

Only life isn't a storybook and I knew we'd never get our chance at happily-ever-after the moment he threw himself at that burning chunk of Libra headed for Earth. I didn't have to wonder if I'd crossed his mind- he was considerate like that- but it fucking hurt to know that I was thrown aside anyway.

I knew when he'd self-destructed in Siberia that he would be willing to sacrifice anything for peace- even himself. I didn't know until the end of the war that he'd be willing to sacrifice us as well.

Even armed with that insight, I still hung onto him, to us, like a damn leech. We had peace now, everything would be better and brighter and that dark cloud of doom would disappear for the bright, warmth of the sun.

How stupid can you get ne?

Heero has no idea how hard it has been to just sit back and watch him loose himself into keeping the peace. We live together, shop, sleep and hang out with only each other but I can feel it already- he's pushing his way towards that dark cloud all by himself and dragging me along for the ride, connected by a red rope that's getting awfully frayed.

And I'll drag my feet, complain and beg him to turn around the whole way but each step he takes forward is another one away from me and my hands can't hold on much longer.

I can't help but wonder if, even after he's reached the darkness, I will still be dragged down? Or will I finally cut the rope and hope the recoil doesn't kill me.

But this is killing me. It's killing us…..and I can't stop it.

_God, I want to hold on, Heero…..but you're slipping and I'm about to lose you…… _


	3. Part Two: Want

Part Two: Want

Summary: But right now, everything you want is wrong. Heero tells Duo were they stand.

Want

"I understand."

Does he really? Does he know how much we are needed? Peace is so fragile, so easily killed; it needs all of our attention and love to flourish. I can't do that if I'm with him.

"You remember how easily Barton took over-"

"I get it Heero. _Peace needs you._ So go already." Duo was angry. It isn't a surprise- I know how it sounds. How he's seeing it. He thinks I'm choosing my duty over my heart.

He's right.

We trained and bled and fought so hard for this peace, for those victories over OZ, WhiteFang and Romerfeller. I can't let everything we've been through go to waste. We relaxed, we let our guard down after the war, and the Barton Uprising nearly destroyed everything.

It was our warning, my warning, for thinking I could just leave the peace unattended- can't he understand that?

"We are still young, Duo. There'll be time for this….later-"

"I said I understand, Yuy. What aren't you getting about that?"

Why he's looking at me like I've just betrayed him. Why he's so angry at me. Why the deepening of his voice sounds like disappointment.

This isn't the end….I won't let it be our end. Doesn't he trust me enough to see to that? Or have my failures at securing peace shaken that absolute faith he's always had in me?

"Then what is the problem?"

Duo's eyes always were so expressive. They were the reason for the expression 'glaring sparks'. "I said I understand, but that doesn't mean that I have to fucking like it."

His eyes turned glassy but I knew Duo would never let himself cry- especially over this. "I- I just…I just want….."

He didn't have to continue; I knew what he wanted if only because it was exactly what I wanted as well. To put down our guns, finally and just be together. To buy a house by the ocean, take vacations and get tattoos or something equally outrageous. To buy a car. To be normal and happy for once. To grow old together.

I couldn't keep my face expressionless at the sight if his unhappiness. I had to tell him how things stood right now and hope he would truly understand in time.

"I know what you want, Duo but right now, everything you want is wrong."

His shoulders stiffened harshly and the silence after my words made me think I'd said something very, very wrong. I watched his fist clench and unclench without the slightest idea of what to do. Then he spoke.

"Fine, Yuy. Whatever you want."

That wasn't it at all but I let him turn and walk away from our office hurt and confused.

I'm so sorry, Duo.

So damn sorry.


	4. Part Three: Wishes

Part Three: Wishes

Summary: Do wishes count at all? Duo needs a new direction.

Wishes

God, Heero Yuy is the most selfish, self-important son of a fucking bitch I have ever had the bad luck of being unable to avoid meeting! Why does he have to give up everything for people how don't deserve the damn air they breathe? I know sacrifice is necessary for the good of mankind but why does it have to be him?

Why does it have to be us?

Again.

He needs to protect peace, he needs to stop the rebels, and he needs to catch the bad guy. What about what I need? What I want?

Oh yeah, everything I want is wrong.

God, do wishes count at all? I'm just supposed to give it all up because he can't see that peace will never be secure. There will always be someone trying to break peace, and for every crook we catch two more will spring up in his place.

Heero can't be the savior of the world all the time, especially not when the world doesn't need saving anymore.

He's just so….mono-focused on making everything else in the world so right he's made us look so wrong. Is this some sort of strange punishment, for not being able to abolish all crime in the Earth Sphere? He's so intent on this twisted self-punishment he can't even see how much this is killing me.

Heero just expects me to …to let him go, to simply walk away from the man I love and pretend it's not really our final goodbye. But I can't- that's why it hurts so much to see him, taking each step with that unwavering confidence that this is what's right- for now- and not ever looking back.

There's no doubt, no hesitation, no regret.

Just me standing there, counting each step he takes as he walks away from me, leaving me to stand there alone because, damn it I can't just walk away from him.

Not like he can. Doesn't he remember, talking about- about Solo and the church? Doesn't he remember how much that hurt me and how hard it was to even let him in?

I wish he would.

It's ironic again, isn't it? I finally decide to take that fucking chance again and love and he's leaving in the worst way possible- by his own choice. Certainly not an act of God this time.

Had it been anything else I would have fought so hard for him. I would have killed, bleed and died to keep him with me- but I can't. There's no swaying Heero when he's like this. Nothing but the thoughts in his head can change his mind and that's something I can't fix, something I can't touch.

That's why I'm simply going to let him leave me here alone- just like everyone else.

Oh God.

Heero.

You're leaving me.

Alone.

_Please don't go!_


	5. Part Four: Feel

Part Four: Feel

Summary: And I chose to feel, but you didn't choose. Heero wonders if he's doing what's best.

Feel

Hesitation.

Doubt.

Regret.

I've had each one all but drilled out of my psyche, to make me a better soldier. A better weapon. I've gotten so used to simply pushing them away that I've forgotten how strong they can be when everything you do reminds you of what you regret.

I'd forgotten how necessary each one was to my continued humanity.

If I had just hesitated a minute more, perhaps that disaster at New Edwards would never have happened.

……but if I had hesitated, that chunk of the Libra that fell towards Earth would have wiped out an entire planet of innocent people. Animals. Plants. _Life._

See my problem?

I can't help these doubts that arise whenever Duo walks by my office. Or enters a room. Or is even mentioned in a conversation.

He moved out two months ago. Found his own apartment across town- closer to Sally and Wufei. I had objected at first- we were only taking a break, not settling a divorce- but Duo insisted, pointing out that the temptation to fall back onto old habits was simply too great. Claimed that he did not want to be too much of a distraction to me- a hindrance, a bother.

Duo was never a bother, not even when he was trying to be one.

Of course I told him that but he simply shrugged, not letting the regret or even the anger touch him anymore. Oddly enough I understood that- we had to either feel the pain or freeze it out to get through this. I've opened myself up again, to the harsher, darker feelings of being human but Duo……his icy silence is practically a defense mechanism.

And where I chose to feel, he didn't choose at all. He simply…is.

Very much like our…..non-relationship.

The break….it was my decision. No hesitation, no doubt, just pure emotion locked with impulse. I won't say there isn't regret because I always regret every minute I don't spend with Duo- this separation most of all.

I regret it- God do I ever regret my choice, but I cannot undo it.

I won't.

Absolute peace will come soon and then we can be together. Everything we've ever wanted, ever wished for and dreamed about, will be ours this time without having to worry about taking up arms again.

Duo would never let this keep us apart.

I will never let this keep us apart.

We'll be together soon.

We will.

_We have to._


	6. Part Five: Never

Part Five: Never

Summary: You're everything I'll never have. Duo realizes they can never happen.

Never

I was almost killed today.

Twice.

The bullet that lodged itself just beside my belly button was actually the second attempt on God's part. It was the discovery of another attempt to over throw the government that nearly got me the first time.

It's been six months since Heero's decision to ….God this sounds so high school, but it applies to us more than most….to break-up. Six months of peace talks and signed treaties and an all-around absence of terrorists. Perhaps peace had finally been secured enough for Heero to reconsider his decision.

We had talked, just the day before the emergency strike, about going out to see that new action flick. A tentative, almost date. A reaching hand, testing the fires again.

Figures I'd get fucking _burned._

I thought my damned heart would stop when Une called us up to her office like that. I didn't even really understand the words until she started barking out individual assignments.

All I could see and hear was the ending of our life together.

The hole in my belly came from protecting a civilian so I suppose Heero will be proud of that accomplishment. Everything for peace and all that jazz. I can't help but wonder, some days, if he'd even shoot me if it was ordered to be for the good of the people.

He even had the nerve to visit me, a few days after surgery, to cancel our quasi-date. Said it wouldn't be a good idea, what with my recovery being slow and the Preventers being backed up from the strike. Maybe another time.

Maybe not.

They've just moved me my own private room in the ICU today. I'll be here a week before the docs will let me go home on strict orders not to fucking breathe funny. Quat, Tro and Fei will be checking up like mad.

Heero actually showed up just a few hours ago- tried to make decisions for me again, at the hospital. I told him it wasn't his place anymore. I told him I wanted to rest- I did, really but it was just too hard to look and at and see he's everything I'll never have.

So, I'm on my own again. Figures. My history dictates a fresh, new start is in order- to get over what I've lost. I just can't- I can't stay here with him and start this cycle all over again.

Heero's guilt is punishing us until all that'll left between the two of us is bitter, bitter hatred and misunderstanding. I'd much rather take the good memories I already have of my messy-haired lover and let them keep me warm on the nights when I really need it.

Never thought I'd be thankful for an internet connection in my room. Une should get my resignation promptly but the foiled terrorists should keep her busy long enough for me to get released and get my ass in gear long enough to get back to Howie and the Sweepers.

Maybe that fresh start will come with a bit of history behind it.

_I'll miss you, Heero._


	7. Part Six: Wait

Part Six: Wait

Summary: Who was I to make you wait? Heero realizes his mistake with Duo.

Wait

I am a stupid, selfish bastard.

God, Duo….if I had known it would've made you feel this way, I wouldn't have even suggested our idiotic break. I would have dismissed the idea altogether, erased it from my very memory.

But fuck, why did you have to resign…..?

I can't believe I thought if I devoted all my time I could create absolute peace. I thought that….Darwinist naivety was reserved solely for Relena. Who was I to suggest you were a….an impediment to our cause? Who was I to force this solitude on you?

Who was I to make you wait?

I can't believe you didn't tell me, didn't even say goodbye- just packed a duffle, sent an email and left. Damn it, Une had to call me into her office and ask why you decided to resign!

Wufei knew. Quatre knew, hell even Trowa knew, and you don't even like each other. Although that probably had more to do with him being Quatre's lover than anything else but even he knew. But not me, not you lover.

Or your ex-lover.

God, even the office gossips called it a damn break-up; seems I was the only one deluded enough to think it was just a break. Was that what you heard when I made that damned demand? Did you hear my brittle excuses and flat reasons and see rejection instead of regretful determination?

Of course you did. I know your mind- I know you- and I can easily see how you would understand this. You told me, in a moment of vulnerability, all about Solo and Maxwell Church and your fears of love and abandonment, about your theory that the two go hand in hand where you're concerned.

And like the single-minded asshole that I am, I ignored everything I knew about you and just did what I thought was right. What was needed. What I thought I needed.

God, I'm so sorry.

I- I don't even remember when I had started thinking I could bring about absolute peace- I openly scorned Relena for even uttering the very idea. When did I start to think that the world would fall apart without me? It had done alright on its own before my birth- I've seen the facts.

I don't even know if you're alright. When I'd heard that you'd been shot, I couldn't breathe. My heart froze and my mind blanked. I was a mess. I couldn't even think clear enough to find out, to see if you were going to make it.

And when Wufei brought you out, covered in blood…….God, there'd been so much blood. I didn't think someone could bleed so much and still be alive.

The medics wouldn't even let me travel with you, since I was neither family nor significant other. I was just a concerned friend and co-worker in their eyes, banished to take my own vehicle.

If they'd been smart and let me go with you, it would have saved us- saved you- so much heartache. Those long hours, just waiting for you to get out of surgery was spent telling myself that this was just another sign I needed to work harder. Another reminder that peace was not secure yet.

I'm such an idiot.

And now…..

I just want to hold you close, here in our apartment and take back everything I've ever said regarding my damn separation. I want to apologize until I can't speak, until you forgive me.

Hell, even when I was convincing myself your accident was another sign of my failure, I had wanted to spirit you out of that hospital, away from the sterile stench and bright walls, and make you better. Make you stay with me.

But you're gone.

And I finally know I've made a big mistake.


	8. Part Seven: Here

Part Seven: Here

Summary: I told you I'd be here forever. Duo reflects on his first lie.

Here

L2 still sucks.

Not like that's a big surprise or anything- it is a helluva lot better than when I was running the streets- but on average, it still sucks majorly.

Of course I haven't taken a walk down my old neighborhood yet- I can't bear to see where Solo took his last breath or what they've done to the ruins of Maxwell Church. I'm trying to start again damn it, I really don't need anymore reminders of my past.

Howard got me my new apartment, one of those good ones in the clean part of town- like I needed protection from the thugs, drug dealers and gangs that lived in the outer parts of the colony or something just as ridiculous. I could beat those guys hands down when I was eight years old, I can certainly keep myself safe now.

Of course, Howie knows my history with this place- he asked and I don't lie. He also knows what happened with Heero and that disaster of a mission, so the old man's gone a bit too far into his mother-hen mode.

Like I said, Howie asked and I don't lie.

Or at least, I didn't, before.

God, but I didn't mean to, I really honestly believed it when I told Heero that that I was telling the truth, but he left me first! Doesn't that void all previous statements?

_-'I looked up at my possessive boyfriend and smiled, tweaking his nose gently._

"_Don't you ever listen to me when I talk?" I said in exasperation. "I told you I'd be here forever."_

_And Heero smiled.'- _

I mean, since Heero was the one to leave- the one to give us up- I… I can't really be expected to just stay in that dark, silent place of abandonment…right? I can't wait around forever for someone whose is never going to return to me- that's just stupid.

Right?

….So why does it still hurt so bad?

Really, now I'm lying to myself. I know why it hurts damn it, you're not supposed to leave the other half of your soul behind willingly, no matter how much it hurts to watch them exist without you. I can't help but wonder if Heero felt anything leaving me alone like that. He did it so easily, so casually, like I wasn't the important to begin with.

God, was I ever that important to him?

I hate this! All this wondering and doubling back- we were together and its over and I hate these fucking doubts that keep popping p like daisies in my damn rose garden. Maybe if I just burn the whole damn thing down, that would solve my problem.

Sche, as if things are that simple. Even if you've never met Heero, everything he does leaves an impact on your life. I couldn't erase him from my mind, my memories-my damn heart- even if I tried. He's been seared into my soul; to try and cut him out now would just damage me more.

And I can't take anymore hurting.

_'I told you I'd be here forever.'_

I lied.


	9. Part Eight: Lost

Part Eight: Lost

Summary: You know when you've found it, because you feel it when they take it away. Heero can't find what he's lost.

Lost

It's been three months since he disappeared and I can't find him anywhere.

I tried to file a missing person report, but the Bit- the Commander pointed out that Duo had resigned, packed up and left his apartment legimately and without the apparent intention of becoming a missing person. He has been, or was in contact with Wufei, Trowa and Quatre as well as a few of the Earth-tied Sweepers.

I know better. Duo wanted to disappear.

After all his catch-phrase always was "I run and I hide but I never tell a lie."

I just always thought I would be able to find him, if he ever got away.

I can't believe I let him get away.

Hadn't I sworn, once I held him in my arms that I would never let him go? The fact that he slipped away so easily proves-

Proves that I am the idiot I've always accused him of being. Duo didn't slip away, like a shadow into the night, I willingly let him go, I practically pushed him out the door. Why am I always swinging back and forth between two extremes- complete guilt or complete innocence. Haven't I learned that most things in life are never so clear cut?

And Duo…..not to sound like one of those trashy romance books that most of the women I know seem to enjoy, but Duo was my other half. The One. My Soul Mate. I felt it from our first meeting, that he would beceom someone important to me. How had been unknown but Duo seemed to have been ahead of me from the very beginning, he knew what we had.

It wasn't until I had seen Duo's battered face, bruised and bloodied, hanging between those two OZ soldiers that I knew. I knew he was what I wanted forever.

You know when you've found it, because you can feel it when they take it away. I used the excuse of wanting to silence Zero Two if necessary to launch my rescue mission. I highly doubt that was what Doctor J thought my logic skills would be used for when he trained me.

Unconvential methods had always been Duo's strength.

I've scowered the Internet but Duo's too smart to just leave digital tracks for me to find like breadcrumbs. He'd use cash or his amazingly universal barter system or-

Or the connections of his friends.

God, why didn't I think about it before? Quatre might have been too nice to lie to me about helping Duo run be he isn't the only friend either of us have with inter-colonial connections.

Howard would have no problems with letting Duo hop a ship to wherever he wanted to go. Especially is he had any inkling of how I'd been acting- I'm going to have a hard time of tyring to get any information if I ask for it.

It's a good thing then, that the Preventers have kept my hacking skills up to par.

Maybe Duo isn't as lost as I thought.

Maybe.


	10. Part Nine: Anyway

Part Nine: Anyway

Summary: We never really knew each other anyway. Duo tries to move on without Heero.

Anyway

It's been four months since I left.

That's seventeen weeks.

One hundred and twenty-three days.

Two thousand, nine hundred and fifty-two hours

Well, you get the point.

It's been a long fucking time since I've seen Heero and I don't know how much more of this I can take.

God, it would almost be worth it, to put up with the pain and the heart-break, just to see his face at work. To hear someone mention him, just in passing. To smell the lingering scent of his cologne.

Anything.

But I can't.

I can't just go crawling back like some pathetic child, dependant solely on one person. I'm stronger than that. I have to be….it's crazy to think one person can take so much of me, can affect me so deeply.

Howie has been great, letting me rant if I need to, or just vid call him at all hours of the night to sit up and play poker….till he said something that made horrible sense.

If it was meant to be it would have worked out.

I need to let Heero go, or…or it'll never stop the pain. Or at least make it fade to something more manageable.

That little shocker had been revealed three days ago, and I've spent every waking moment trying to find reason why it wouldn't have worked out between Heero and me.

We were too different.

Heh, there were days I would swear me and Heero never agreed on anything, from the right time to get up for work to the right time to go to bed. The whole day was an exhausting marathon of trying to win a point against the other when no one was ever really keeping score.

We shared no common interests.

Could that be any truer? I loved music and movies and spending nights just vegging out on the couch together. Heero's idea of a good time included his laptop, a healthy snack and the Discovery Channel. Or How It's Made.

We never really knew each other anyway.

I had told Heero, briefly and painfully, of my childhood on L2 but he had never offered to do the same. Everything was always so mysterious and unimportant or all in the past. Heero never seemed to understand that I needed that knowledge, that reciprocation, from him.

Damien, a fellow Sweeper, has asked to go out for coffee and talk. Just caffeine and a chat, nothing more. If there was anywhere to start trying to get over Heero, this would be it.

I think, the next time he asks, I'll say yes.

_I'm sorry Heero, but it's time to let you go._


	11. Part Ten: Right

Part Ten: Right

Summary: Sometimes, the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. Heero needs to make a tough decision and starts again with a new mission.

Right

I must have been staring at the open Word Document on my computer for nearly ten minutes before Quatre threw a rolled up napkin at my head. I closed down the window but the blond hadn't been a Gundam Pilot for no reason.

"I'm going to assume that a request for an undetermined amount of vacation time means you've discovered Duo's whereabouts."

I grunted. A very useful, noncommittal noise that doesn't get me in much trouble. Quatre was unmoved.

"You're going to visit him then?"

I snorted. "No, I'm asking for this vacation time to take a nice, relaxing break on a beach on Maui."

The blond billionaire was quiet for a moment, walking around to sit in the seat in front of my desk. His hands came together in rest under his chin in a very deceivingly innocent pose before he spoke.

"As a good friend to both Duo and yourself, I really should give him some warning of your imminent visit."

I froze, ice claiming my veins. "Don't! He'll run."

"Isn't that his choice?"

I growled angrily. "I deserve the chance to explain at least."

The innocence faded from Quatre's face, quickly replaced by hard fury. I jerked back a bit when he slammed a hand down on the desk. "Explain?! Explain what, Heero? Why you hurt him? Why you kept him on this twisted little string, swinging back and forth between love and complete rejection?!"

I shook my head frantically. "It'll be different this time-"

"Why?" Quatre cut in harshly. "What can you possibly offer him that will be any different from how it's been? What will happen after you've talked your way out of this mess?"

"He'll come home." I said feebly. I wasn't feeling as confident about this as I'd been just moments before. "I love him, Quatre and he loves me. We belong together."

"Until the next terrorist cell comes along, right Heero?" The glint in my friend's eye was cold disdain. "You go to him like this, with nothing to offer and Duo will never take you back. Not if you're still choosing the job over him."

What Quatre wasn't saying hit me like a brick between the eyes. I couldn't help but gap at him in shock. "I can't just quit. I have obligations here and- and they need me."

"Heero," He said with a sad smile. "The Preventers are not what they used to be. There are more than enough agents these days. They don't specifically need you." Softer he added, "The world will not fall apart if you aren't there to guard it. You've done your part."

Something shifted in me and that chip I had been unknowingly carrying fell away. The fate of the world had fallen from my shoulders to land safely onto the steady foundation of many. But to just quit…….. To just leave peace in someone else's hands….

Quatre's voice interrupted my inner musings.

"Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same." He shook his head. "It's you're decision now, but just know that if things haven't changed, next time I won't hesitate to hide Duo and you will never find him again."

I fought the urge to hit something at my friend's threat, clenching my fists in my seat as he left. It was hard but one didn't go around hitting one's friends, even when they irritated you. It wasn't right.

Right…..I highlighted my typing, hit the backspace and with a deep breath, began a letter of resignation.


	12. Part Eleven: Hold

Part Eleven: Hold

Summary: Even if it hurts, hold me tight. Duo just can't let go.

Hold

The knock on his door at six in the evening could have been anyone.

A door-to-door sales man.

An irritating Jehovah's Witness.

Damien, apologizing for our horrible date.

Hell, it could have been a traveling gypsy for all I knew. Truthfully, I was kinda expecting the Chinese food I had ordered nearly twenty minutes ago.

I really wasn't expecting to see Heero's sodden form darkening my doorstep, duffle bag and all.

His dark blue eyes were shadowed as he stared at me through the little half window of my door. "Duo."

His voice was muffled by the glass but I could've heard him a million miles away. I swallowed thickly. "What are you doing here?"

Shifting impatiently, Heero shook some of the water from his dripping bangs. "Are you going to let me in?"

Typical Heero, he never did answer my questions.

I was tempted- oh so tempted- to say no and turn my back on him, but I knew that my lov- my ex-lover had no problem with breaking my window and gaining access to my apartment himself.

"Whatever." I said, casually turning to knob as my insides tried to shake me apart. Jesus, Heero was here, in my apartment…with me. I wanted to cry and hug him tightly. I wanted to cry and punch him hard.

Mostly, I just wanted to cry, and the presence of his duffle bag wasn't helping.

I couldn't stop my eyes from closing against the painfully wonderful sight…. hell, maybe closed eyes couldn't cry.

Cool, slightly damp hands came to rest gently, but oh so firmly, under my jaw. My eyes slowly drifted open as my head was tilted up and inspected.

"You're too pale. Too thin." Heero's face was creeping closer as he spoke. "No one has been taking care of you." Just inches from my lips he demanded, "Let me take care of you."

Old wounds and new hurts made me pull away and shake my head. "I'm not yours to take care of anymore."

Shock slackened his hands, making it easier to let him go completely. I cleared my throat nervously and couldn't look him in the eye. "You should go now, Heero."

That got a reaction.

"You won't even let me explain?" He asked, anger finally coloring his voice. I stood straight and unyielding under his fury. Payback's a bitch huh?

"It was your decision Heero, and you made it. I'm not arguing with you anymore, I'm not going to be this huge distraction and you can go off and single-handedly make sure peace lives on forever. Aren't you satisfied?"

Okay, so maybe that came out a bit bitter, but if anyone had the right these days it was me.

"I'm sorry Duo." Heero said softly, hopefully. Like sorry could make everything all better.

I nodded regretfully. "So am I."

"Damn it Duo!" He shouted. "What do you want from me?!"

"I want you to leave me alone!"

It honestly took me a moment to realize that brittle, pained shout had come from me. I blinked and continued. "I can't do this with you Heero. It's never going to end and you're never going to change so-"

"I've quit the Preventers."

What?

What?!

"What?!?"

Heero looked oddly young as he spoke. "I- I _never_ meant to hurt you. That break was a mistake, my biggest mistake and- and peace doesn't need me, Duo. Can you believe it? We can finally relax….together if you just give me one more chance to make this right."

God, but I wanted to believe him, but you don't have to get bitten more than once to learn from your mistakes. I'd gotten my whole hand chewed off in this mess. More like my heart really. It all came down to believing whether or not Heero meant it when he said it would be different.

"And when the next threat to peace comes?" I asked, coldly. "It's-"

"Not my problem." Heero cut me off. "Not anymore."

I trembled with the need to feel his arms around me and somehow, he knew it. Strong, warm arms circled me swiftly and held on as if something might swoop in and steal me away. As if I might slip away and fall into the darkness if Heero ever let me go.

Even though I felt my ribs protest, I hoped he wouldn't let up.

"Hold me tight, Heero."

Even if it hurts, hold me tight.


	13. Part Twelve: Everything

Part Twelve: Everything

Summary: With everything in front of them, they left everything behind. Duo and Heero are finally together again.

Everything

There was a very obvious difference between the boxes that sat in our new cozy living room. Mine were all neatly taped up and stacked in double rows according to the room in which I had written they belonged in.

Duo's were bent and dented and in a few very memorable cases, falling apart. We had already found the spice rack mixed in with his shampoo and condition and a pair of slippers.

I love his spontaneity, even though Duo blushed red-purple when I saw his fuzzy bunny slippers.

The slam of a car door was quickly followed by a rumbling of muffled curses and stomping feet. The screen door bounced open as Duo carried the last of his boxes into our new house.

Water dripped steadily from his bangs- a sudden downpour was making a calming tattoo against the roof as well- but even that couldn't stop the smile that graced his handsome face.

I love his smile.

"That's it now- finally. I hope you like this house Heero, because we are never moving again."

I took the boxes out of his arms and laid them at my feet before wrapping myself around him. The rain water made him cool and left a fresh, earthy scent on his skin. I inhaled deeply before speaking.

"I love this house. I love the area. I love the town just fifteen minutes away. I love you." Duo hid a smile from me as I continued. "I love my new job. I love our new car. I love you."

"You said that one already." He complained, pulling back to look at me.

"That one's my favorite."

Duo rolled his eyes but didn't complain as we fell into a comfortable silence, just holding each other in our new living room. With my arms around his waist, I could feel the little bit of tension that remained.

"What's wrong?"

Duo blinked for a moment, before shrugging slightly. "I'm just…..are we doing the right thing? I'm sure Une would welcome you back with open arms if you-"

I shook him slightly, rolling my eyes at his thoughts. "Duo, I do not want to go back to the Preventers. Quatre has literally been throwing clients at me and Bill needs all the help he can get at the garage." I smiled, just for him. "I am at peace, here, with you."

"I just can't help but think that one day you'll get bored and wish you'd never quit the Preventers to live on Earth with me." Duo huffed in exasperation. "I hate feeling like I'm making you give everything up."

Guilt gnawed at my stomach- Duo's new doubts and fears were the product of my own idiotic actions. That lingering fear of abandonment had been transformed into this hovering darkness over every promise for the future I've made.

"The doubts will leave in time." I promised again. "The fear will continue to fade, and fade, till it's gone."

Duo shrugged again. "Maybe."

"It will."

The moment was broken when the portable vid in my back pocket began to vibrate. Duo snickered softly before dipping his hand in my pocket to grab the phone and steal a quick grope.

Quatre's face filled the small screen and before long Duo was lost in a rambling conversation about the house and the trip down to Earth.

I quietly unpacked a few plates and forks for the take-out we'd picked up on the ride in. Duo's words caught up with me as I piled up our dishes to be washed.

_'I hate feeling like I'm making you give everything up.'_

Perhaps we were giving up certain parts of our lives for this, but the Preventers were not my everything. My everything had a long chestnut braid and wicked, violet eyes and was standing in our living room surrounded by boxes. That was what I wanted in my life- Duo was what I needed to move forward.

I might have been leaving something behind, but what stood before me was infinitely more important.

I left the kitchen as the sink began to fill, just to stand in the doorway and watch Duo talk.

With everything in front of us, we left everything behind.

Together.

_No matter what._


End file.
